i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
