my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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