We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
