Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
