In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
