Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
