New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
