never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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