we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
