I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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