omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
