Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
