No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
