omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
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I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
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It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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