he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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