and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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