took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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