Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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