conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
