why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.