I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
