when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
