I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
