soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She's like a pop up book from hell.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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