There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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