You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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