In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think I died a long time ago.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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