well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
