Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
