I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
