I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
