On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
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Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
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Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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