I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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