Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
