He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
