Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
