thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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