new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
