plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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