i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
