Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
40s are totally the cure
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize