sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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