great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
