in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
