Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
