He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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