You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
