she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
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My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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