Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
