I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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