Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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