im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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