Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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