I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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