Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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