Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
