my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
