the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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