Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
