did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize