I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
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The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
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Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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