i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
